


Screwdriver

by DreamlandB



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drunken Flirting, F/F, Flirting, Human, One Shot, Party
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-01-31 22:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18600478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamlandB/pseuds/DreamlandB
Summary: Lapis can't stop staring the new girl at her college party and can't wait to make a move. Unfortunately she didn't know better.





	1. Chapter 1

_Yep, I'm horny._ Lapis thinks to herself while looking at the new girl and drinking her 10th screwdriver. Probably. The blue haired girl wasn't really sure after the fifth red cup Amethyst got her to chug.  
  
She slowly got up enjoying the feeling of relaxation only alcohol could offer. She couldn't spend the whole party only looking, _right?_   
  
Five hard earned steps later she was near the new face that hid from the loud music of the party in the corner of the room.  
  
"So" Lapis said while slowly looking the blond up and down.  
  
"Uh... hi" she looked at Lapis with a mix of anxiety and curiosity. Her wild hair matching her.  
  
"What are we going to do about it?" Lapis said deadpan, with hopefully minimal amounts of slurring.  
  
"It...?" She siped on a red cup trying to hide her nervousness. Her big glasses hit the cup while she tipped her drink.  
  
Lapis purred while leaning on the wall in front of the new girl. Enjoying the height difference."What are we going to do about you wanting to get into my pants?"   
  
Spitting her drink in a 10 foot line the girl looked incredulous at the other woman face "what the-!"   
  
"Oh sorry, that was me." Lapis felt really good about that one and her reaction put a dirty smile on Lapis' face.  
  
"That is exceedingly inappropriate." She fixed her dumb sexy glasses while regaining her composure. Terrible sexy glasses. "You must be Lapis Lazuli. My name is Peridot. Amethyst told me about you"  
  
"Good. That makes things a bit easier right? We know eachother. " She didn't really care. She just wanted to get the show on the road.  
  
"Things?"  
  
" **Sex** " she was trying her best to be clear while slowly leaning in Peridot's direction. Her spreading blush an incentive for the whiplash inducing direct hit. "I want to have it with you. Preferably on a bed but that is optional. "  
  
"Oh... I-I don't know about those ... _things_." Peridot's voice cracked and she was sweating with the proximity.  
  
"Oh man, are you that slow?" Lapis reacted a little frustrated and feeling her mind getting fuzzier by the minute. She really just wanted to get this over with. "Shouldn't you be in college or something?"  
  
"I AM - ... not." Peridot adjusted her volume mid offended rant after being hit in such a sore spot. Composing herself she looked sharply at Lapis. "I am actually a doctor." Finally understanding Lapis confusing and intoxicated behavior she grinned. "Currently an Astrophysics Teacher, Miss Lazuli"  
  
"Oh _There_ you are professor!"

Pearl approached out of nowhere with fas steps and worry on her face" I hope you weren't lost for too long Peridot"  
  
"Pearl! You can't just invade my party like -" Amethyst followed right behind but stopped on her tracks seeing Lapis just inches from the new teacher. Clearly hitting on her "oh no..."  
  
"Hello Amethyst" Peridot said in her best neutral sounding voice but her current situation told another story.  
  
Lapis got increasingly more nauseated every time her slow drunken brain tried to understand what was going on.  
  
She only knew she was screwed, double screwed even. And not even the way she hoped for this night. But she knew who she could fucking blame for that "Amethyst what the fuck" she leaned away from Peridot tripping on her feet and almost falling back.  
  
"I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS" Amethyst shouted trying to dodge the unexpected blame.  
  
"What is going on?" Pearl chimed and Peridot just gave her a look of _help me please._  
  
Some party goers stopped at the little disturbance and started gossiping between themselves.  
  
Lapis mind couldn't focus anymore. Spinning uncontrollably while she felt her stomach churning.  
  
Suddenly silence. They probably asked her something.  
  
"I'm sorry"   
  
The previously smug faced Peridot looked really concerned at Lapis. She didn't look good. "It's okay. I'm sure we can-"  
  
"No" The drunken girl interrupted grabbing Peridot's shoulder for stability. "That's not it." She paused for a second blinking slowly.  
  
Then Lapis threw up all over the place, including Peridot's shoes, and immediately passed out on top of the poor teacher.  
  



	2. Scrwd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I've been postponing this for a while because i wanted the perfect chapter two but then I was reminded that the only perfect thing is a cheese wheel.  
> Enjoy!  
> If you enjoy the experience of the one shot I'm sure you will like the prolonged experience of living in shame forever. Also there is a lot of swearing.

This is it, this is the moment of truth. Her hands were shaking and the world was turning around her. The beeping ringing constantly was a foretolding constant while her perception drifted around the object at the center of the room. 

She couldn't see around her besides the bomb. Beeping and beeping and beeping and beeping. Red or blue? She had to cut it. She had to cut it right now! She had to stop it. Blue, that would surely be it. When it comes to Lapis it is always blue.

Taking the sharp pliers feeling her guts churning like seasickness. With a strong click she cut the wire. 

*click*

The sun was hitting her face and her beeping phone fell to the floor with a unhealthy clunck. She woke up in a heavy haze.

"For fucks sake..." her voice was raspy and her brain ached. Of all the bad things to happen why would her anxiety follow her in her dreams. 

She picked her phone from the floor with lazy movements barely getting out of her bed and checked her screen for any damage. 7:30 showed in the way too bright screen. "FUCK"

"fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" jumping out of bed and trying her hardest to achieve the human equivalent of lightspeed for the world most screwed student. She was so so late. Any clothes on her way would do. Why oh why did she pick up a class 7:30 am? Was she insane? "Fuck fuck fuck"

She left her dorm room zooming by a groggy Amethyst with a tired smile on her face and a cup of coffee on her hand "Hey barf-face, try to not repeat the dose today, eh?" She said while Lapis stormed out the kitchen with panic on her face. "Good luck Barfis" 

"Barfis??? What?" She had no time to digest that weird new nickname while running for her life aka. Not giving a bad impression. She needed that good student points for the end of the semester when all hell broke loose.

15 minutes later she did it. She arrived and fuck yeah no teacher in sight. The other students in the stuffy classroom looked at her like she was an alien. Whispers and Giggles ringed softly across the classroom. Some

"Well well well. Look at what we have here: a straggler. Told you guys there would be at least one!" Lapis slowly turned around her heart beating so hard she could feel it jumping on her chest. Oh no. That voice. "If it isn't Miss Lapis Lazuli. I see you did it. Pretty impressive after yesterday." 

No way... no way. There was a teacher. She was hiding behind the door like a little devilish lurker gremlin. And yes she knew her name. Memories of last night were hitting Lapis like a really bad slide show of awful decisions with power point transitions. How she looked so good, how Lapis tried her luck and how it all culminated in the worst first meeting for someone that will grade your college work. God had abandoned har and all hope of a good impression was all out of the window.

"You see Miss Lapis Lazuli I was talking to the class. I know it's hard to arrive so early in the morning as such I will be starting the class 7:45. That way we are all a bit happier. It's a monday after all" she looked at Lapis with her sharp green eyes and a satisfied cat smile. "And you know how mondays go, right?"

Why that teacher? Why??? Why the teacher she flirted with, tried to bang and vomited on. How was that possible? What kind of bad luck is this?

"Please, take a sit dear student" she said dismissively while walking to her table. Lapis obliged with wobbly legs trying her best to find a spot as far away as possible from the front of the class.

The teacher sat down and grabbed her mug "My name is Peridot Olivine. I'm bad with mornings and also a PHD astrophysicist." She took a sip of her probably coffee and looked at the class with a delighted smile. "And I'm in this university to teach you all about aliens."

Peridot clicked a shiny pen she took out of her green shirt front pocket and a slide was projected on the front wall. "Is there life out there? An astrophysics introduction to extraterrestrial life" was written in bold letters on a galaxy background with a little martian doodle at the center.

I mean how more weird could this morning get? Lapis didn't know. She knew absolutely nothing. She just wanted to get out of there and hide forever. Maybe she could go to the moon meet some cute aliens on her area and never go back. But nope! She was stuck here with Peridot in the weirdest class to have ever graced her college life. She thought it was funny when she registered to that class but it wasn't funny now. It was everything but funny. I mean. It was a little funny but that is besides the point.

The class started and it was your general instructions on how to make the best of her class or so Lapis thought. She couldn't focus at all. Time passed in a flash while Lapis kept rethinking her life decisions and how to clean this mess. People were already leaving scratching their chairs on the wooden floor. That woke her up. Lapis needed the perfect moment to leave and avoid any interaction with Peridot. Her life was already hard enough, she didn't need anymore trouble going foward. So she would do what all students do: avoid her problems until they were worse and unavoidable.

She casually sneaked using other students as shields while not making any eye contact. That worked for most teachers. If I don't see them, they don't see me. She was close to the door, it was the home stretch. Her hand was already on the handle.

"Miss Lazuli If you would you be so kind and give me a bit of your time." Peridot voice called like she knew Lapis was trying to run away.

Emptying all air she was holding from her lungs Lapis slowly turned around. If she couldn't run it was better to give up and face whatever torment was stored for her. She still had hopes her headache killed her before the worst. "Yes Miss Olivine?"

Everybody had finally left, she was alone in the classroom with Peridot. " You see, I hope you are aware that your behavior yesterday was... "

"Yes. I am aware." Lapis interrupted and tried her best to not sound sour and tired but she was totally sour and tired. She held tight to the strap of her old messenger bag. "I didn't know who you were at the time"

"Yes, yes. That is not important. More importantly..." Peridot said without missing a beat. She slipped her hand on her shirt front pocket and took out a little paper slip."It cost me."

Lapis would have liked to talk more about how she didn't mind the flirting but she was too confused. "Um excuse me???"

Peridot walked merrily and gave the little paper slip to Lapis.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Lapis looked at the little paper and couldn't believe. She furiously rubbed her face trying to shake off any sleep left. That could only be a prank.

"I am not fucking kidding you." The shorty made sure to emphasize with a smile on her face.

Lapis looked at Peridot, looked at the paper and back at Peridot, waiting for some kind of explanation. She soon noticed she wouldn't get anything.

"CLEANING BILL?"

"Yes." 

" Twenty bucks! Are you serious right now?"

"Yes." Peridot cleaned her throat. "Those are my best shoes and my favorite pair of pants."

"I- Don't you have a washing machine??? " Lapis couldn't hold off her frustration and almost forgot who she was talking to, almost. "I mean, this surely is not necessary-"

"It sure is." Peridot went back to her table dismissing lapis and organizing her class material. She clearly didn't understand her absurd behavior. "Great talking to you Miss Lazuli"

Every moment Lapis spent near Peridot she risked adding murder to the list of things she regretted. So Lapis left mortified by the audacity she faced before she committed manslaughter. 

Stomping away to her next class she made a decision. You know what? She wouldn't pay for no asshole teacher some cleaning bill. It was a stupid class and she wouldn't take this from a stupid shorty. If she wanted that money she could take it from her cold dead hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment! I'm really interested on you guys opinion about what lapis is going to do.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I never thought I would be writing. But here I am.
> 
> If you guys like it I can add a little something like the morning after or maybe even continue the story
> 
> For now it is just a short one shot! Please leave kudos and comment how i can improve. 
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
